13 January 2013

i'm lost

Okay, so a couple of months ago or so I broke up with my boyfriend and posted this. I thought I was completely sure of myself and what I was doing but I couldn't have been more wrong, and I need some help or advice from you guys because you're all so lovely and I feel as though you could help me out.

This was me and him in April last year. I was so happy at this point, but from here on I started to develop some really distorted views of myself. I became incredibly self conscious, which led to bad anxiety problems, which then eventually led on to depression. Nobody seemed to notice because I tried my best to hide it, which obviously worked.

My depression got so bad that I felt as though I was hurting everyone around me and I didn't know what to do any more. So, I broke up with him. At the time, it felt like it was the right choice - I thought I was doing it to protect him and just so I could attempt to get myself back on track with the space I needed. Of course, I didn't tell him how stupidly depressed I was, I just used the excuses in the blog post I linked you to: mainly that I wanted to focus on my A levels.

I'm feeling a lot better now, apart from one huge thing. I feel as though I made a massive mistake and I regret not telling him about how low I was feeling. I'm trying my best to try to convince (okay, beg) him to give me another chance but he is telling me that he's scared because he doesn't want to feel how he did when we broke up again.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say here, but all I need is help and advice and some way to convince him to try at our relationship one more time. I know I'm only 17 and I'll probably get some people telling me that I'm young and will get over it and find somebody else but that's not what I want. I made a really stupid mistake and I just want to get back the one person that made me so happy.

Note: I've been diagnosed as depressed once before when I was younger but not this time around. However, since I know what it's like to be depressed, I sort of self-diagnosed my depression this time around. If you're suffering the best thing you can do is talk to someone about it, you really aren't alone. I'm very willing to listen and I'll try to give advice, so please e-mail me at morris_molly@ymail.com if you need somebody to speak to, I'll be here.